done.

i forgot to say.

I'm sorry too

for everything.

for ever hurting u

or ever being so protective over u

and over myself

i finally want to let go

and move on in life

cause i love u

and i pray and hope that u will find true happiness

in God and in life

.

always and forever.

.

thanks for all the memories.

Beezle Bulb

He's screwing with me

i know it

its okay

i'm stronger now.

bring it on

HE will protect me

bleh

someone commented on my old header hence i changed it. Hmm.. this one's pretty old too. but i love our faces. weee. :)
.
so we just got back from the fantastic ER09 in Sarawak. omg.. it was the best experience EVER.
i feel so much closer to God :):)
i'll post up more on this another time k?
the best part was Mr Blax sneezing at the airport and ppl avoiding him! hahahha.
.
So yesterday Monash had this campaign done called

"Shave me, Save me"
it's for a good cause and they were raising money to be donated.. anyways.. there are so many baldies walking around uni now!! but i have to say i take my hats off to this
4 chicks that actually shaved bald!!

i'm so amazed!! omg.... it's really one thing to say you care.. bnut to experience it and at the same time raise so so much money for charity. it's amazing....
i mean.. anyone can give a shit load of cash.. but to agree to understand the situation that these ppl live in.. i would say.. "wow...wow... and wow again".. though the chicks did look pretty good and i think they can really pull it off... Hats off again..
wooohh... all that hair...
.
Omg. so i finally... FInaLLy.. finish watching
He's just not that into you..

i mean.. i wouldn't say it's a fantastic show. but it did have pretty good points in it.
let's just say most chicks love a happy ending and that show HAD a happy ending.. good couples get together :) bad-cheating-asshole-husbands lose out.. hmm... seems about right..
would i recommend u watch it? erm... go borrow a dvd :)
.

well i'm in uni 4 and a half hours before my class starts. the joy of assignments.
You'll just LOVE it.
.
well.. i'm just killing time before Mr.Mocha and Ms.Cheeseburger arrives.
i dont know nuts on how to do my dynamics. bleh.
OOOO!!! they're here!!!
Buhbyez! :)

phobia~ :S

.

you know why?

let me replay the situation.

.

.

"hi. can we take the fitness test machine thingy?"

"sure"

.

*doing the test*

.

completed!

.

he says, "ok. so your weight is ok. slightly under.

but..

your fat a lot la"

.

.

i mean!!!

OUCCCHHH

WTTTFFFFF...

you know he said it with this damn china-fied accent n like he didn't even flinch!

asshole.

california effin fitness.

i was right.

hmph.

.

then the situation follows by continuous laughter from Mr. Machuk n Jubs..

and so happen at that very moment Mr.Mocha had to show up too..

just my luck

i can still hear the laughter ringing in my ears..

.

u know i took this test just in february..

and i was 3 kgs lighter and the guy asked me to put on fat.

now i'm passed that.

and i'm suppose to lose the faT!!

and my arms suddenly became under developed too.

so i have fat flabby arms...

underdeveloped muscles...

and as he said

"FAT A LOT LA".

ass.

wuss.

you are so childish.

couch potatoes are not cute~

another day of my wierd mood swings.

ever been so happy and so hyper at one moment then

go straight into depression the next moment?

well that's what's happening to me.

n u know what.

it's not even funny.

i'm going insane.

i think i reached a record of 40 biscuits today

dont judge me.

.

it's 2 weeks till study break and i'm not even done with my assignments

i mean do this people have any brains or what?

they try to create the best study environments for us.

the best facilities to help us to release stress

dont they know the easiest thing to do

is lift the burden of

ASSIGNMENTS??????

assholes.

.

omg. jsut realized it's 2 days till Sarawak.

my mom asked us to buy masks to wear at the airport.

*omg,.......*

but i am kinda scared in a way....

oink

oink

oink

.

i'm so happy u called.

thanks red skinnies.

i still can't believe it.

5 minutes before

and the pimple pops out.

hate u! :(

.

i've put on another extra kg.

thanks.

really.

sighs :(

.

.

oh i'm watching

he's just not that into you

quite funny.

teehee

teaches me some stuff

i love the starting of the show when the girls..

all dont get a phone call after their first dates and all..

and their best frens say things like..

"oh trust me.. he's just not that ready for commitment"

"oh dont worry. it's not u.. it's him"

"he's just intimidated by how succesful u are"

"he just can't see what we see in u.."

.

HAH!

when do we ever face the facts?

reality?

it's a harsh world

and it's slapping me

left, right, centre.

.

.

on a lost note.

Mr. Right

does not exist

i read in this magazine..

u know how we've been instilled in us since young that Mr Right will come along

and prince charming will save the day?

well we grow up to a world in reality to realize that NO ONE is perfect

and when we find out that These princes really DONT exist..

most girls go into depressions..

so babes out there..

the world isn't over.

love isn't over.

we just have to trust in God and in our instincts.

and to find a great person

a respectable one

and though things may not be perfect

it's the effort we put in together to make things work

it's the sacrifices that we both make to solve things

and it's the love that keeps us loyal and together

these... will make the RIght relationship with the Right guy..

not Mr. Right..

.

sounds so great..

now.....

find me that guy.

lol

or it's to the nuns for me

sister act?

..

.

.

she breathes again

then she loses it.

then she breathes again

it comes and goes

then it comes again

she smiles for 2 seconds.

then she cries again

she laughs for a minute

then she cries again

she sleeps for 5 hours.

then she's awake again.

she looks into the mirror

then it starts all over again.

you, you and you

depression.

.

it's creeping harder

find me strength

.

please.

.

no more tears.

.

please.

Stumbled upon

All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

.

.

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

-Buddha

*hahahahahahahaha*

.

.

I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.

-Richard Bach

.

I think I've discovered the secret of life - you just hang around until you get used to it.

-John Burroughs

*lol*

.

A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down.

-Leo Buscaglia

.

.

random quote moments to keep me going.

hope it helps u too.

:)

.

*peace out!*

undefined moments

it's a saturday and i'm in uni. let's just say that group discussion came to a dead end when we can't solve nuts. What am i doing in engineering?? seriously..
.
i look at what Godsis is doing and it's just so fun. i mean she's enjoying it.. ok so sometimes i enjoy engineering too.. SOMETIMEs.. but somehow it all just ends up with studying.. stressing... how come i never get to do something i like?
.
then i think to myself.. what DO i like? i mean.. i dont exactly have this major interest in anything though i do A LOT of things.. it's like what they say you know..

"Jack of all Trades.. Master of None"..

in other words..

LOsEr...

.

right... so i'm thinking.. what do i love the most? eating?? that's out of the question since i'm growing fat.. you know what's the cause of weight depression.. jealousy.. i hate the devil.. and the skinny bitches..

.

anyways.. back to what i love.. i used to really really love dancing.. and i still do! i mean besides the dancing i do myself to my radio in my room.. i dont exactly dance anymore which is kinda sad.. maybe someday when i decide i have free time and decide to give up my gym membership.. i'll start dancing again..

.

hmmm. what else? i always wanted to go for vocal lessons.. i mean.. not that i croak like a frog.. i can hold a tune at times. but just... not the right way.. and really softly.. am i shy? -_-' lol

.

there's also... baking... yes.. baking... dont judge me.. but yeah.. i used to make the meanest ass brownies and lime yogurt cake.. haha.. but yeah.. the brownies were from scratch ok! not those instant nonsense from a box..

.

and tv... oh the tv.. i miss just lazying around.. watching my favourite movies.. i mean.. my tv in my room stares at me everyday with this sad frown on it's face..

(now u know u have issues when u picture your tv having a face)

and no Jubs.. i dont talk to my teddy bears -_-
*sometimes*
lol

.

futsal.. tennis.. running.. miss all that too.. used to have a buddy for all that.. but not anymore.. gym is alright once in awhile.. but when there's no one to motivate u.. well u kinda lose interest.. then u grow to be as fat as i am...?? *bummer*

.

oh and another funny thing.. me?? CPO?? well.. i guess it's time i started. Thanks Blax. i think i need it.

.

caution. depression. stay away.

.

unsatisfied and pissed off

Hi everyone!

ever thought of having a good workout?

staying healthy?

achieving that muscular body?

well..

HEre's YouR soLution Today...

.

STAY AWAY FROM

CALIFORNIA effin* FITNESS

yes people.

now tell me. which logical company would have an agreement with a sales company

Pro-Shit-Direct. Sdn Bhd

and not full proof read their final print on their promotion cards.

i mean seriously.

ok.

so let me tell you what happened.

.

There was this booth set up in our uni selling california fitness

1 month trial promotions for

RM 29.90

sounds good? that's what we all thought.

and my friends went for it before!

so we thought.

Awesome.

friends.

good workout.

healthy?

great!

but we knew that most of this promotions is for FIRST time visitors only..

so we asked the guy..

"hey.but we've already went for a trial before, so we wont be entitled to this right?"

he says," no no no.. this is a different promotion.. anyone can go as long as you're not a current california fitness member."

we say,"are you sure?"

he says,"yes, it's stated here in the card.. (and he shows us).. FOR NON EXISTING CALIFORNIA FITNESS MEMBERS ONLY"

then he gives us his number to call if anything.

well ok..

it doesn't say anything about first time visitors.

hence, we bought it.

.

so yesterday we all decided to go to the gym.

weee.. was soooo excited..

no?

wouldn't u be?

.

we sat down

filled up forms.

the consultant came.

"hi. ok so you're all here for the same promotion. ok good.

are you all first time visitors?"

"no we're not"

(you see.. even if we lied and said we are.. they have our names all in their system from the last time we visited.)

then he says,"oh i'm sorry.. but this promotion is for first time visitors only"

we say,"ya. we asked the guy that.. and he said that this promotion is valid for non existing members only..so it is valid for non first time users."

he says,"yeah i know. the sales people wanted to con people so they said it was ok. But here's what i can do.. i can give you a 14 day free trial?"

We say,"no.. but then how can california fitness not have control on their sales and the fitness centre itself printed these promotion cards. It does not state here that this promotion is not valid for first time users!"

he says,"yes i know. i'm really sorry but we can't do anything cause your names will still be in the system and it will not allow me to issue u passes for that"

i say," This is BULLSHIT. "

.

and the arguement goes.

on and on

and on

and

on and

on

.

but i have to say that the consultant guy Aaron was REALLY REALLY nice. he was so patient. We like him. :)

.

anyways. moving on..

Mocha says, "can we see your manager?"

.

yes of course.

20 minutes later.

The Bastard arrives.

.

"Hi.. yes i've heard your situation. and i'm sorry but i cannot issue this promotion to you."

i say,"but it's clearly stated here that it is for NON-EXISTION CALIFORNIA FITNESS MEMBERS ONLY.. and for all your previous promotions, it has always stated that it was for first time visitors only.. but for this one it didn't.. and we knew it'll be a problem that's why we asked the guy about it and he said it will not be a problem and we can enter."

"yes but this sales company have been briefed about how they are suppose to sell but they still did not sell it the way they were suppose to."

i say,"but how can california fitness not know or have control on any of their sales? why didn't your company seize all the promotions and take action to sue this company?i mean it's such a wide promotion"

HE F&*%&KING SAYS," please dont raise your voice at me. Lets us resolve this properly."

.

.

I WAS NOT F***KING RAISING MY VOICE AT HIM NOR WAS I LOUD> I WAS REASONING TO THE MOTHER F**CKER ON THE HIS COMPANY'S F***KING IGNORANCE.

.

Asshole.

.

Luckily Mr.Mocha cut me off at that moment or i swear i would've yelled at him. i was so freaking close to doing so.

oh my gosh.

u see. i've been trying to remain calm lately at everything that happens. and you know what.

i was actually ReAllY calm at that moment.

but right now.

since this is my blog

my thoughts

my words.

.

F**K Mr. C. LEE.

Assistant Manager.

.

thanks.

i feel much better.

.

and he goes on about how if we want our money back, we can go call this pro-direct company and meet the guy and solve it.

honestly, i dont care about the 30 bucks???

hello. i just wanted to say how stupid and idiotic california fitness is for having done such a major agreement with a sales company.

printing THOUSANDS of promotion cards and not realize what was written in it.

it clearly stated once again.

FOR NON-EXISTING CALIFORNIA FITNESS MEMBERS ONLY.

it did NOT say anything on first time visitors.

nor did it state at all

that TERMS AND CONDITIONS APPLY.

NOT STATED.

.

and the best part is.. he goes..

well i know that u guys wouldn't have paid the 30 bucks if you weren't interested at all to workout and to join a gym. so let me tell you on the memberships we offer here.

OH MY GOSH.WHAT AN IGNORANT IDIOT.

and he went on and on

and cut me off on the things i said

i swear. if God wasn't keeping me calm at that moment.

i would've thrown a fit.

Mocha thinks that this was all a scam by both companies in order to get sales and gain memberships.

.

what an effed up manager.

what an effed up company.

and u know what...

Jackie Chan.

i'm really disappointed.

you used to be my hero :(

now.

screw you.

.

well..

i've got 14 days.

and the promotion is still with me.

any first time visitors can still use it.

if u want it.

just call me.

.

on a last note.

F***K CAL FITNESS.

enroute

hey hi ho hum. it's 12:55pm and i'm either gonna love or hate this weekend. i'm trying to stay positive and say i'm gonna LOVE it. yes? no? hmm? yeah.. well it's good to know that i'm not the only one losing it nowadays.. cause that's what my horoscope said anyways..

oh and we all agree that guys are bastards according to Greys. but not Godsis who seems to disagree!

yes,i'm not insane. Greys is. i mean. Who GOOGLES SICK COMPUTERS??!?!?!!

yeaps. i'm sane. :)

i.t.s.

The many faces.

the many phases.

who am i?

.

2005

2007

2008

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

and now??...

this is me.

.

No matter how hard we kick or paddle. life has it's way of catching back up on us... reality..

we gotta face it.. you know i kinda like reading blogs and jumping back and forth looking at pictures.. and i read some amazing things people say and do even at the worst moments of their lives and i am just so amazed by how positive some can be even when things seem like hell and i just wonder to myself will i ever be that way? i pray and wish i could. just wanna say thanks to those whom speak your minds with or without realizing how your words make an impact on other peoples' lives like yours truly. a momentary smile travels straight to the heart.-lj.

I just wanna say sorry to those who read my blog and if you find it kinda depressing or pathetic or if it turns your perfect day into shitzles. i'm sorry. i'm positive on one thing though. that's it's not gonna be like this forever. k? give me the time i need...

well it's 1:24 am and i havent slept properly for the past few days. i'm going to a camp tomoro and i have no idea how the hell i'm suppose to wake up for it. hopefully Grey's doesn't give up on me and leave me behind..

goodnight world..

true

Words that kept me going through another week.

"how much do u eat a day? okay. so now. we're gonna decrease physically and increase spiritually!" (hahahahaha)

"hey look up at the moon today. it's so bright!"

"Watch out for the stars in the sky..there are so many.guess the sky is clear.so yeah.and the moon is as lovely as always.if you're stressed or depressed.. just take a look and stare into the sky for a bit"

"so is today alright? is the week getting better?"

"come on. i said no more :( turn the :( -----> :) "

"to get something you never had, you have to do something you never did"

"The will of God will never take you where the grace of God will never protect you"

"How are you?"

i

depressed.
yes. tell me what do u do to lose weight.
do u know how it feels to have worked so hard to lose your fat for 4 years..
and put it back on in 50 days...
4 years of hard work...
exercises... staying away from too much junk food... 4 years...
to get to where i was..
where i was happy..
but with the past 50 days of hell i've been through...
food seemed like my only comfort..
and now.. what conforted me seems to be the main thing that depresses me...
it's not so much of how fat i am now..
but more of how much work and effort i lost..
sigh..
and still also on how fat i am now
i hate u..
i hate me..
i hate the flabs..
i'm sick..
tired..
lazy..
and fat...
sigh.. tell me it's not that bad?
no.. dont tell me at all...
just leave me alone..
sigh sigh sigh
yes. it was +10 pounds.
****. Dont judge me

St.iLL

Jeremy : WHoa. cool

B.Jane : Thanks.

Jeremy : But shouldn't it be in the middle?

B.Jane : no. i purposely drew it at the side.

Jeremy : Why? aren't u an engineer. dont u know it's suppose to break at the boob crack? lol.

B.Jane : not if something hits it from the side?!

.

yeah... sniffles. cough. sniff.ahchooh..sniff sniff.. that says it all.. St. Ill paid me a visit this morning.. that ol' bast@#&d...well.... ok. maybe i'm being a little harsh cause it's not entirely his fault now...lets give him an 80% blame on this sickness... ok.. so i blasted me air con and fan yesterday cause it was such a hot day.. so i might have gotten sick cause of that.. 60%?? and i might've slept off doing my dynamics homework... 40%?? and i might've forgotten to use my blanket to sleep... OK OK OK OK!!!! it was my fault!! happy!!???? sigh... this sickness has gone to my head...

.

So today was pretty shit. dont even know why i bother going to uni when i dont pay attention to nuts. really. though i did play pool today. wee. have craving for it again. and got trashed like hell from jeremy. he enjoyed it. bastard.lol. its okay. more practice and i should.. SHOULd.. get better... Then there was dynamics tutorial to be done which i totally think is lifeless.. bleh..

.

I visited the gym today. After a LONG time.. Feels kinda lonely without Mr.Machuk :(

but then again.. that's how it was before. guess i missed having company there overall.. i mean.. i didn't exactly join the gym alone... -_-"

.

long long long day.... Thanks for messaging..

She said, "Actions speak louder than words"

though we hear it all the time. know what it means. but when someone close to u slaps the truth back into your face. u know you need to see things clearly. Thanks. for always being that hand that slaps my face back into reality. as harsh as it may be.

.

you hit it. spot on.

L.O.V.E

Here we look back,

from new to old,

times untold,

pictures unfold.

memories unspoken of,

yet not forgotten,

past still shining bright,

my companion through the night.

life tells it story,

to those on the outside,

that look upon the shades,

not leaving instead.

clock ticks its way,

and its still astray,

my wandered heart,

forever and always?

new memories to make,

new friends awake,

God's hands to take,

this time. unfake.

The past revealed.

The one where she smiles.

great shot by Grace :)

Free.

Happy.

The album cover :)

The synopsis.

The Best

Thanks for helping me forget. :)

The friendship shared.

The birthday celebrated.

The Bestest.

The one he smiles.

The catastrophe.

She shines.

The beginning.

Thanks. For not telling. It hurts.

...with.....?

he says "An unspoken heart of pain or love, will create great misery to the bearer." i agree.

so what happens if u have both?

hmm.. anyways, Lipstick jungle was pretty good today. i liked the ending. made me tear :'(

somehow the three characters kinda remind me of Greys, Godsis and I..in worlds of our own but yet somehow always manage to be there for each other. Thanks. really.. i dunno what i'd do without u two...

Well.. weekend was pretty hectic. May 1st outing with the Bunch was really fun. Jojo's grandma has the most awesome-mest place.. felt so home-y and so so cool in a 70's house kinda way. Love those kinda places. Reminds me of my grandpa's place. But of course the best part was the Pool.. that the Bunch absolutely totally seriously TraShEd, SpLasHed n OveRfLowEd.... :) all except for Greys and Cow who were away on camp and little ol' me who had to sit out on this one cause i was swimming in my own deep red sea.. i know.. overshare of information.. oh well.. my blog.. my words. live with it! bleh..!! but watching them have fun was good too.. and having my laughs.. and love love Mr.Blax n Dawg for constantly coming to the side and checking up on me :) so sweet.

Then the party shifted to the Blax's at night for the best damn beriyani rice and naan and mutton curry and butter chicken.. and Jelly and curry is so awesome :):):) Munkee, Dont judge me!!! lol.

saturday was a day off and watched WOLverINE... omg.. SOOOOOO awesome.... everyone should watch it.. really.. effects.. good.. story line.. good.. action.. good.. comedy.. good... romance.. hmm... pretty good.. HUGH JACKMAN... SO SO SO SO SO GOOD... *hamanahamanahamana*...

i shall rate it a must must must watch movie for all.. sorry Mr.Machuk that u didn't get to join us.. but dont worry k.. study hard for your exams!! :)

sunday.. cafeteria day.. SMOOTHIES!! Come get your smoothies!! Congrats guys on a job well done.

i'm tired of typing and talking. i'll post some pics in the next post.

on a last note... mid terms FINALLY finished today.. woohoooooooo freedom at it's glorious momentary peak :) four reports due soon. help me. please?