something that bugs me

hmm. cant believe it's the holidays and yet half of it is already gone. where on earth does time fly to?
Is it me or when u get older, things just start to move faster... it's like clocks magically start ticking at more than a second per tick.. and ppl start walking three to four steps more than usual.. or is the world just catching on to this speed that no one realizes that they are going faster and faster by the day...
seriously, its crazy! I came to starbucks at 11:30 am.. and i swore to myself.. "ok..i'm gonna finish all my work today, so i dont have to stress anymore, and i can enjoy my weekend"... so i thought.. buy a drink, relax.. read some facebook and blogs first and before u know it.. BAM! it's 12 something.. argh.. 

TIME... you are a pain in my arse...

But yeah. things move so quickly nowadays. Do ppl even stop to smell the roses anymore? Ok maybe ppl do but i feel like things go so unappreciatted these days.. and it's true.. We forget to tell our loved ones we love them before we leave the house.. we forget to put our dirty clothes in the laundry.. or we forget to close the windows.. or we forget to bring our headphones to starbucks and feel like an idiot when u're here... and you forget to tell the ppl you've hurt, you're sorry... yeah.. things like this happen.. Dont you find it funny that it's so easy to forget sometimes? To just move on and pretend things never happened.. I find it pretty easy however... But not when it affects my heart.. Some say.. move on u know.. it happened.. everyone goes through it.. but really.. how do u? So i think to myself.. if this affects my heart so badly.. what about the ppl which I have affected in my life?... Then it dawns on me... the Guilt of living this life... only my Father in Heaven can tell me what to do next... but i am only human.. and my feelings are all part of my human self.. but my soul is my other half.. what my Father tells me to do.. My soul makes me do it.. even when my human self has to suffer.. well no worries.. i'm learning day by day... and this hurt which i have caused on others... I will have to mend it someday... but in due time.. only the Father can heal it.. and so i leave it to him... I on the other hand.. have to learn how to move on in my own terms.. at my own pace and time.. There's no rushing into things.. something i realized that day was that my whole life has been a rush.. everyone and everything seemed to be pushing me into things.. but this time.. i'm taking it slow.. this time i wanna do things right... there's no rush.. but there's determination... I am not rushing.. but I am determined.. hopefully this time i got my priorities in check.. :)

LJ

With this.. I say to You.. I'm sorry that it didn't work out.. but things are not meant to be.. It may be in your eyes.. but then that's just the idea you like in your head. The truth is.. I dont feel the same way.. and someday you will accept that.. I'm sorry for everything.. but too much has happened and too much for me to change my mind... there's nothing left.. I will always care.. and you will always be my friend.. it will just take time.. But on a last note. It's over. Let go.. for your own sake.. 

P.s: dont call me after reading this

ooo

wow. look what i found from an old old post.

"If you dont like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Dont complain."
-Maya Angelou.

awakening

It's Easter holiday! finally!! i felt sooo happy the moment it hit Friday. It felt like i finally had a break. But then i rememebered there was the 30% assignment i had to do, internship report to finish, final year project to work on.. the stress piles up again.. but true enough, a holiday is still a holiday and it felt good that i didn't have to go uni to face anything..

Things were great over the weekend. It's Easter! Jesus is pinned to the sky! For God so loved the world, he gave his son to redeem the world. and lo, he is with us always, even to the ends of the earth.
*haha.. remember this one guys?*

But yeah, i was sitting there after mass alone, listening to the Easter song.. my favourite part of Easter.. and i felt a sense of peace in my heart.. I quote a good friend of mine.. Where else can this peace come from if not from the Father... and it's true... i sat there smiling to myself and thanking the Lord.. my goodness what a difference he has made in my life.. and true enough.. if he never came into my life.. i wouldn't be here today.. wouldnt be where i am.. I love you, Lord.. with all my heart, soul, mind and strength... :)

angie, roeshan, kath, me, ivy, chrishen, caren and lyn

i wanted to be in between the towers. lol. kev and shamus

the two nut cases :)

gooodddd boyyy.... hahaha

kevin, patrick, victor "cow" and sheldon

Well there was a loooootttt of eating involved.. particularly a lot of meat.. 40 days of fasting from meat realllyyy builds your craving to sink your teeth into some hard.. juicy.. meat.. hahaha.. omg.. i sound like a cannibal.. but yeah.. If it wasnt Easter, Sunday was the most sinful day I ever had this whole year.. lets see... after midnight mass, we headed to the Tay's for some nice pork knuckle, pork pasta, wild boar curry and kfc.. dang! lol and then night time we headed to Shamus's place where he cooked us a feast.. pork belly, roast lamb, bacon and lamb lasagna and salad... drools... thanks guys for making this weekend great..

This morning however, I woke up feeling really anxious, probably because of all the food i ate last night. You know they say you get nightmares when you eat too full and sleep. LOL now i know..

well yeah.. so i spent the morning watching tv and trying to get some work done.. but the thing about me is that when I am alone.. i tend to day dream a lot.. or drift away in thought... and i realized something this morning... I dont know how to be happy.. I really dont anymore.. It's like there's always something wrong with my life.. that now I just seek for problems or drama.. I dont know how to be happy anymore... when something good happens in my life.. I anticipate the next moment where something bad is gonna happen.. because to me.. it feels like.. nah.. this is too good to be true.. something bad is gonna happen next.. seriously.. what kind of feeling or thought is this'??? Is it normal..??? I dont think so..... but i want to be... I want to be happy.. so so happy.. and i am joyful and happy with the Lord... but when it comes to the earthly things and emotional situations.. Im full of doubts and questions.. I need to learn to accept things and be happy.. and the truth is... Now.. i'm really happy... I am... but why do i feel so scared... so afraid of things... or maybe afraid i screw things up and make a big mistake.. or dig my own grave... so much fear... for what???? for nothing....
To be fearless is impossible... but I cannnot keep fearing everything everyday of my life....
It's time for a change in thought, change in attitude, change in life.. and all for the better..

with God first and everything second.. I need this change.. I'm gonna make this change...

i wish i could fly..

LET ME GO.

peaches

i'm glad i finally let it out.
I cant believe the outcome.
I still cant believe it.
thanks :)
for the first time, I'm not afraid.

yoohoo

it's like screaming into a hollow tunnel.

i cant believe u did that to her. seriously. You, of all people. Should know better.
After everything u've been through. All these years. You're throwing it away and u dont even see it.
One day it's gonna smack u in the face. If only u see it now.
Sorry to say,
but u made the biggest mistake of ur life.

sizzle

breathe in.. breathe out.. so i've been feeling the pressure lately and a lot of things have been getting to me.. at first i thought focusing on my work would be good and it was going fine for awhile.. until work itself became stressful.. be optimistic... be optimistic... keep telling myself that.. but i dunno which is worst.. supressing the hate and fear or succumbing to it.. so i decided to do both.. i was calm for awhile.. then the screaming shouting and crying kicked in. LOL! yes im laughing.. cause its funny.. its funny how i give advice that sometimes i myself find it hard to take.. but thats life.. and "if u can dish it, u gotta be able to take it".. so this time i will... i dished it all out to God and damn He had a lot to take alright.. and i'm taking everything else all in slowly... one thing at a time.. times are hard now but i know they will get better.. i just know.. right now i just gotta get my priorities right and succeed where i wanna succeed in and grow personally and spiritually where i need to..

*prays hard that this positive attitude is not due to the overdoes of starbucks..please last..please last..*

yeah but well.. i gotta get things on track.. yeaps. period.
Back to studying. Computer and AI test tomoro. erh.
A piece of advice people.. dont choose a subject just because all ur friends are in it..
that's all.
peace :)

imet

sometimes i feel like he gets me when im down. only him.

the hardest

when u have to do whats right