awakening

It's Easter holiday! finally!! i felt sooo happy the moment it hit Friday. It felt like i finally had a break. But then i rememebered there was the 30% assignment i had to do, internship report to finish, final year project to work on.. the stress piles up again.. but true enough, a holiday is still a holiday and it felt good that i didn't have to go uni to face anything..

Things were great over the weekend. It's Easter! Jesus is pinned to the sky! For God so loved the world, he gave his son to redeem the world. and lo, he is with us always, even to the ends of the earth.
*haha.. remember this one guys?*

But yeah, i was sitting there after mass alone, listening to the Easter song.. my favourite part of Easter.. and i felt a sense of peace in my heart.. I quote a good friend of mine.. Where else can this peace come from if not from the Father... and it's true... i sat there smiling to myself and thanking the Lord.. my goodness what a difference he has made in my life.. and true enough.. if he never came into my life.. i wouldn't be here today.. wouldnt be where i am.. I love you, Lord.. with all my heart, soul, mind and strength... :)

angie, roeshan, kath, me, ivy, chrishen, caren and lyn

i wanted to be in between the towers. lol. kev and shamus

the two nut cases :)

gooodddd boyyy.... hahaha

kevin, patrick, victor "cow" and sheldon

Well there was a loooootttt of eating involved.. particularly a lot of meat.. 40 days of fasting from meat realllyyy builds your craving to sink your teeth into some hard.. juicy.. meat.. hahaha.. omg.. i sound like a cannibal.. but yeah.. If it wasnt Easter, Sunday was the most sinful day I ever had this whole year.. lets see... after midnight mass, we headed to the Tay's for some nice pork knuckle, pork pasta, wild boar curry and kfc.. dang! lol and then night time we headed to Shamus's place where he cooked us a feast.. pork belly, roast lamb, bacon and lamb lasagna and salad... drools... thanks guys for making this weekend great..

This morning however, I woke up feeling really anxious, probably because of all the food i ate last night. You know they say you get nightmares when you eat too full and sleep. LOL now i know..

well yeah.. so i spent the morning watching tv and trying to get some work done.. but the thing about me is that when I am alone.. i tend to day dream a lot.. or drift away in thought... and i realized something this morning... I dont know how to be happy.. I really dont anymore.. It's like there's always something wrong with my life.. that now I just seek for problems or drama.. I dont know how to be happy anymore... when something good happens in my life.. I anticipate the next moment where something bad is gonna happen.. because to me.. it feels like.. nah.. this is too good to be true.. something bad is gonna happen next.. seriously.. what kind of feeling or thought is this'??? Is it normal..??? I dont think so..... but i want to be... I want to be happy.. so so happy.. and i am joyful and happy with the Lord... but when it comes to the earthly things and emotional situations.. Im full of doubts and questions.. I need to learn to accept things and be happy.. and the truth is... Now.. i'm really happy... I am... but why do i feel so scared... so afraid of things... or maybe afraid i screw things up and make a big mistake.. or dig my own grave... so much fear... for what???? for nothing....
To be fearless is impossible... but I cannnot keep fearing everything everyday of my life....
It's time for a change in thought, change in attitude, change in life.. and all for the better..

with God first and everything second.. I need this change.. I'm gonna make this change...

i wish i could fly..