i.t.s.

The many faces.

the many phases.

who am i?

.

2005

2007

2008

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.

.

.

.

.

.

and now??...

this is me.

.

No matter how hard we kick or paddle. life has it's way of catching back up on us... reality..

we gotta face it.. you know i kinda like reading blogs and jumping back and forth looking at pictures.. and i read some amazing things people say and do even at the worst moments of their lives and i am just so amazed by how positive some can be even when things seem like hell and i just wonder to myself will i ever be that way? i pray and wish i could. just wanna say thanks to those whom speak your minds with or without realizing how your words make an impact on other peoples' lives like yours truly. a momentary smile travels straight to the heart.-lj.

I just wanna say sorry to those who read my blog and if you find it kinda depressing or pathetic or if it turns your perfect day into shitzles. i'm sorry. i'm positive on one thing though. that's it's not gonna be like this forever. k? give me the time i need...

well it's 1:24 am and i havent slept properly for the past few days. i'm going to a camp tomoro and i have no idea how the hell i'm suppose to wake up for it. hopefully Grey's doesn't give up on me and leave me behind..

goodnight world..

true

Words that kept me going through another week.

"how much do u eat a day? okay. so now. we're gonna decrease physically and increase spiritually!" (hahahahaha)

"hey look up at the moon today. it's so bright!"

"Watch out for the stars in the sky..there are so many.guess the sky is clear.so yeah.and the moon is as lovely as always.if you're stressed or depressed.. just take a look and stare into the sky for a bit"

"so is today alright? is the week getting better?"

"come on. i said no more :( turn the :( -----> :) "

"to get something you never had, you have to do something you never did"

"The will of God will never take you where the grace of God will never protect you"

"How are you?"

i

depressed.
yes. tell me what do u do to lose weight.
do u know how it feels to have worked so hard to lose your fat for 4 years..
and put it back on in 50 days...
4 years of hard work...
exercises... staying away from too much junk food... 4 years...
to get to where i was..
where i was happy..
but with the past 50 days of hell i've been through...
food seemed like my only comfort..
and now.. what conforted me seems to be the main thing that depresses me...
it's not so much of how fat i am now..
but more of how much work and effort i lost..
sigh..
and still also on how fat i am now
i hate u..
i hate me..
i hate the flabs..
i'm sick..
tired..
lazy..
and fat...
sigh.. tell me it's not that bad?
no.. dont tell me at all...
just leave me alone..
sigh sigh sigh
yes. it was +10 pounds.
****. Dont judge me

St.iLL

Jeremy : WHoa. cool

B.Jane : Thanks.

Jeremy : But shouldn't it be in the middle?

B.Jane : no. i purposely drew it at the side.

Jeremy : Why? aren't u an engineer. dont u know it's suppose to break at the boob crack? lol.

B.Jane : not if something hits it from the side?!

.

yeah... sniffles. cough. sniff.ahchooh..sniff sniff.. that says it all.. St. Ill paid me a visit this morning.. that ol' bast@#&d...well.... ok. maybe i'm being a little harsh cause it's not entirely his fault now...lets give him an 80% blame on this sickness... ok.. so i blasted me air con and fan yesterday cause it was such a hot day.. so i might have gotten sick cause of that.. 60%?? and i might've slept off doing my dynamics homework... 40%?? and i might've forgotten to use my blanket to sleep... OK OK OK OK!!!! it was my fault!! happy!!???? sigh... this sickness has gone to my head...

.

So today was pretty shit. dont even know why i bother going to uni when i dont pay attention to nuts. really. though i did play pool today. wee. have craving for it again. and got trashed like hell from jeremy. he enjoyed it. bastard.lol. its okay. more practice and i should.. SHOULd.. get better... Then there was dynamics tutorial to be done which i totally think is lifeless.. bleh..

.

I visited the gym today. After a LONG time.. Feels kinda lonely without Mr.Machuk :(

but then again.. that's how it was before. guess i missed having company there overall.. i mean.. i didn't exactly join the gym alone... -_-"

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long long long day.... Thanks for messaging..

She said, "Actions speak louder than words"

though we hear it all the time. know what it means. but when someone close to u slaps the truth back into your face. u know you need to see things clearly. Thanks. for always being that hand that slaps my face back into reality. as harsh as it may be.

.

you hit it. spot on.

L.O.V.E

Here we look back,

from new to old,

times untold,

pictures unfold.

memories unspoken of,

yet not forgotten,

past still shining bright,

my companion through the night.

life tells it story,

to those on the outside,

that look upon the shades,

not leaving instead.

clock ticks its way,

and its still astray,

my wandered heart,

forever and always?

new memories to make,

new friends awake,

God's hands to take,

this time. unfake.

The past revealed.

The one where she smiles.

great shot by Grace :)

Free.

Happy.

The album cover :)

The synopsis.

The Best

Thanks for helping me forget. :)

The friendship shared.

The birthday celebrated.

The Bestest.

The one he smiles.

The catastrophe.

She shines.

The beginning.

Thanks. For not telling. It hurts.

...with.....?

he says "An unspoken heart of pain or love, will create great misery to the bearer." i agree.

so what happens if u have both?

hmm.. anyways, Lipstick jungle was pretty good today. i liked the ending. made me tear :'(

somehow the three characters kinda remind me of Greys, Godsis and I..in worlds of our own but yet somehow always manage to be there for each other. Thanks. really.. i dunno what i'd do without u two...

Well.. weekend was pretty hectic. May 1st outing with the Bunch was really fun. Jojo's grandma has the most awesome-mest place.. felt so home-y and so so cool in a 70's house kinda way. Love those kinda places. Reminds me of my grandpa's place. But of course the best part was the Pool.. that the Bunch absolutely totally seriously TraShEd, SpLasHed n OveRfLowEd.... :) all except for Greys and Cow who were away on camp and little ol' me who had to sit out on this one cause i was swimming in my own deep red sea.. i know.. overshare of information.. oh well.. my blog.. my words. live with it! bleh..!! but watching them have fun was good too.. and having my laughs.. and love love Mr.Blax n Dawg for constantly coming to the side and checking up on me :) so sweet.

Then the party shifted to the Blax's at night for the best damn beriyani rice and naan and mutton curry and butter chicken.. and Jelly and curry is so awesome :):):) Munkee, Dont judge me!!! lol.

saturday was a day off and watched WOLverINE... omg.. SOOOOOO awesome.... everyone should watch it.. really.. effects.. good.. story line.. good.. action.. good.. comedy.. good... romance.. hmm... pretty good.. HUGH JACKMAN... SO SO SO SO SO GOOD... *hamanahamanahamana*...

i shall rate it a must must must watch movie for all.. sorry Mr.Machuk that u didn't get to join us.. but dont worry k.. study hard for your exams!! :)

sunday.. cafeteria day.. SMOOTHIES!! Come get your smoothies!! Congrats guys on a job well done.

i'm tired of typing and talking. i'll post some pics in the next post.

on a last note... mid terms FINALLY finished today.. woohoooooooo freedom at it's glorious momentary peak :) four reports due soon. help me. please?

YOU

all around me are familiar faces,

worn out spaces,

worn out faces..

Going nowhere with the deadly races

going nowhere

Going no where

And i find it kinda funny

i find it kinda Sad

The dreams of which are dying

are the best i ever had

I find it hard to tell you

Cause i find it hard to take

when People run in circles

it's a very very..

Mad world

I guess my brother got my addicted to that song. It's playing over and over and so the lyrics came out when i decided to blog. woops? :S

Well... our Design project testing passed... it wasn't good.. sigh.. all the hardwork.. all the effort.. i pity Mr.A of all..sorry you did so much of the work. and thanks Mr.Mocha for fetching me up and down and up and down again.. haha.. but still.. sigh. the project. it was working perfectly fine... testing went fabulous. why didn't it work at that moment.. That one moment... sigh

anyways.. Rach, Marcus, Nicholas, A.matthew, Caren,Carolyn, and many many more. congrats on being confirmed. it was the best damn confirmation party we've been to in ages!! the singing was so so so so awesome!! though the food was the total opposite with exception of the lovely tarts which Fatz says is too HARD... *idiot* lol.

after this whole hectic week... i can finally rest for two days... two days.. TWO days in this whole entire month.. feels so damn good..

OMG!!!!!! Mr. A you asshole!!! Scared me for nuts!!! ish.. :( :( :*(

There better be fondue! :)

omg.... going high now.. Munkee is talking nonsense. Fatz is bouncing around. Blax is going insane. Greys is addicted to downloading songs and Blax 2 is on the verge of killing us.
Yeaps.. ppractice is going NO where.

and sorry if this blog post is not nice and colourful. so hard to ber-blogging in Munkee's laptop with no mousee!!!!!! CHEE cCHHEE chhhheEEEEE?????

help.

i need it

help

seriously.

-_-