Ever felt like you were just watching a movie of your life and the main character which is yourself, doesn't really seem like you anymore? I feel numb to my own emotions. I'm sad to the point of silence, angry to the point of tears and when i'm lonely, all i hear are my thoughts. I dont even know why i'm writing this. and i can't figure out words to blog. Usually i have a story to tell.. or something i thought about to write.. but i just realized nothing really is about myself even though i'm writing about myself when i blog.. dont know if you understand what i'm trying to say, but that's just it.. what the hell is wrong with me?.. what happened to me?.. i dont know how to blogs about a party i went to.. or tell a story about something funny that happened.. or laugh about my day.. tell love stories of my life.. i dont know how to do all that anymore.. I keep wondering what ppl's first impressions of me are like?.. and what are their thoughts about me?.. how is it that i struggle so hard to have conversations with people sometimes.. worst of all i realized is that i dont even know how to keep a friend.. i never did.. do my friends think i'm weird when i have nothing to say sometimes? do they think i'm being cold or do they think i'm boring?.. maybe i am.. coz i dont do things ppl usually do.. i dont go out partying.. i dont exactly shop anymore.. if i watch a movie or smth.. i forget half of it the moment i walk out the cinema.. so what's there to talk about movies?.. how do i intend to keep friends if i can't even socialize?.. i dont like calling ppl coz i really just dont know what to talk about.. i dunno if this is a phase in my life of depression i'm going through or maybe i have bipolar disorder? lol. u know what they say.. once you hear about a kinda disease, you tend to think you have it.. or find reasons to associate yourself to it.. i thought i had a life and a plan for my future.. but now.. as ppl start to leave... as friends find new friends.. as my studies are ending.. i realize i have.. nothing..
Help me find myself... please...
1 comment:
could it be that you are realizing that what most ppl r talking about is shallow and of little consequence? that most of what they say hides who they really are and what they are truely feeling. unless, of course, they are looking for someone to enable or support them in their rationalization and justification of current events in their lives.
and if ppl are acting this way, are they the kind of ppl you want to be friends with. finding true and lasting friendship is a difficult and hard process, i'm sorry to say, but i wish you luck.
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