Life slips away

There are two things i'm confused about...
One being how I feel and the other being how i'm Suppose to feel...

You grow up knowing the difference between being happy, sad, angry and so on.. But no one really teaches you WHEN exactly you are suppose to have these feelings.. In what situation exactly.. I mean how would you know what sadness was if someone didnt tell you that death is suppose to make you sad... What if you dont feel the same way.. Does that mean there's something wrong with you? If you choose to feel different than what the normal person feels.. Because naturally psychopaths only feel different than others.. or rather, they have no feelings at all.. No remorse. No regrets... Some say they are not human but in reality they still are..? So how are we suppose to feel really when certain drastic situations occur..

So many things have happened in my life where I know how i'm SUPPOSE to feel.. but what if i dont feel the way i'm suppose to... I'm suppose to feel sad about something.. but I'm happy about something else... Does that make me inhumane or wrong? No. It makes me different... The world sets standards on how you should be.. and what society should conform to.. but what is it actually? who are we measuring ourselves up to when we race to be on top.. when we try to achieve so much success in life... Are we running an imaginary race with Steve Jobs to create the next mind blowing technology? Or struggling to follow Mark Zuckerberg's genius success.. I mean really.. What if i'm happy doing the little things in life... selling coffee, washing cars or working at a local coffeeshop.. does that define my life as a failure in comparison... The world tells You what should be.. and naturally when the majority of people conform to the idea of how things should be.. Then the fact is produced on that matter.. But really.. who would define that thin was beautiful if not for the worldly views.. Life makes no sense sometimes..

Back to myself, since it's my blog (omg i'm so selfish)... well no one told me how to handle the situation i'm in now..No one told me whether i should be happy or sad.. and it worries me.. worries me whether i'm doing the right thing or feeling the right thing.. but yet i feel what i feel.. the only real connection i have right now is between God and me... the rest to the world seems vague at the moment.. I feel like i'm in my own world.. in my own dream.. but i'm afraid that i'll wake up to find it all untrue... i'm such a confused person it's not even funny... is a person really suppose to think this much??? erh.. how much of my brain is really being used.. Unfortunately it is all used for thoughts instead of studying.. bleh.. gotta get back to my work soon...

but yeah.. wish i knew what i should feel right now...
"I'm Numb to my own feelings... Paralysed to my situation... Delusional in my thoughts.."
Thats all. Thanks. Bye.


I wish you didn't do what you did, I wish you didnt lose your way, I wish you didn't hurt us all, I wish you didnt regret it, I wish you didn't lie, I wish you repented, I wish you apologised, I wish you payed more attention, I wish you forgave everyone, I wish I didn't hate you so much, I wish we were there more, I wish I could have helped, I wish I said sorry.. I wish I'd let go.
despite that, I forgive you...I pray to God, and plead to him, that somehow, you rest in peace..... Rest in Peace....