I JUST DONT GET IT

NOPE I DONT.
WHY???

OMG MY BLOG IS STILL ALIVE

Alright so its been like forever since i've written in this blog and the funny part is, I say that everytime I start to write in here again. So lately a lot of things have been happening to me and I guess I just need a medium to spill out my thoughts and my feelings without being judged or without getting like a million replies of nonsense on facebook. This shall be my escape. So allow me to rant.

I did something stupid lately which was totally against my principles and now Ive got through every day with guilt in my heart. I wish I could just rewind, turn back time and shut my mouth. Not say anything. The things we do sometimes to get accepted into a community or to fit in with the others. I didnt even realize I was being that way until it was too late. And here i thought I was over the high school days but apparently I still have not grown up from my childish ways. It is kind of a slap in the face really. Here I am thinking I am facing adulthood with a steady relationship, steady job, new challenges of life, and I've always thought that I had my head on straight. But the moment I'm in deep waters, suddenly I start handling things differently.

Makes me wonder, how much does a person really change when they say they have changed? I was never a strong believer of change in a person. I believe people are susceptible to change but I dont believe they can be changed entirely unless it was through God. Now it hits me that, even though God helped us become the better person, it is still our choice and our efforts that are needed in order to keep ourselves this way. He mades us, showed us like, "hey look, this is the best version of yourself you can be right now at this time", and so we take it. But he never says, "hey this is the best version of yourself you can be right now at this time and its temporary, it lasts for 3 years, or once you take it, you'll never go back".. NO! he has never said anything as such! Why are you so nice to me God?? Really??? what significant thing have I done in this life, in my life or in someone elses life?? really??

I.DONT.GET.YOU and yet I love you so darn much it hurts everytime I do something wrong.

Which makes me move to my second point, can love exist without pain?
How can one come to know love if they have never known pain?
So with all this pain in my life right now God, I pray, let me come to know Love in a whole different level someday.. with you.. with others.. and with myself..

There. enough pouring out for today. I'll be back soon or in a few months time.

alphabetically wrong

My life has no sequence or continuity in anything i do,, woot woot.. lets hope that means i'm exciting.. woot woot... so what have i done that is productive lately?... *thinking hard*....
oh crap.. i need a job..

on a second note, rest in peast little Miri.. :(
life is short. really short.
for everyone.. just a thought.. if you were to die today.. and you face God.. and he asks you.. what have you dont for me? what would you say? what do you think if significant enough? makes me wonder.....

i'm not ready to lose you.

Oooh life

Ohkay.... yeap... uhuh....em... yeah.... my life is for the first time... boring...... lol stagnant.. as though of no purpose although i know there is a purpose in my life.. the first thing i need to do is take the first step to get off my butt and find a job and yet i have no will to do it.. so i'm thinking to myself.. i'm gonna wait until i have the inspiration to do it.. if not i'm never gonna be happy that i did it.. i know what you're thinking.. she's never gonna get off her butt and find a job.. but uhuh!!! that's where you are wronggg!! you are wrong i tell you!!!! i will.... i WILLLLL... and at that time i will be fully motivated to do so.. :)
yay :) *gleams with satisfaction*

Whitney Houston will forever live on.

Its crazy when a legend dies and leave such a mark on the world. You know that there was a reason to her music in this world. Her lyrics were more than beautiful, it brought inspiration and hope to many around the world and no matter what situation i'm in, somehow one of her songs expresses my emotions perfectly. Rest in Peace Whitney.

If I should stay,
I would only be in your way.
So I'll go, but I know
I'll think of you ev'ry step of the way.

And I will always love you.
I will always love you.
You, my darling you. Hmm.

Bittersweet memories
that is all I'm taking with me.
So, goodbye. Please, don't cry.
We both know I'm not what you, you need.

And I will always love you.
I will always love you.

(Instrumental solo)

I hope life treats you kind
And I hope you have all you've dreamed of.
And I wish to you, joy and happiness.
But above all this, I wish you love.

And I will always love you.
I will always love you.
I will always love you.
I will always love you.
I will always love you.
I, I will always love you.

You, darling, I love you.
Ooh, I'll always, I'll always love you.

the 10th month

Can you imagine it's almost the end of 2011. I mean what the hell did I do this year? oh well. besides wasting time procrastinating throughout my studies and assignments.. and I almost remember working my internship for two months earlier this year.. and then there's breaking people's hearts which is what i do best somehow.. and yeah.. here I am 2 months away from 2012 and we don't even know if the world is going to end! LOL.. My friend Kevin refuses to watch the movie 2012 until 2012 actually comes.. Then I guess the people that freaked out initially can like just slap themselves in the face silly. Lol. I mean it's crazy sometimes when you read in the papers about people selling all their property and quiting their jobs because some loonatic said the world was gonna end. I mean seriously??? If someone told you eating poop is gonna make you look prettier would you do it??? err.. but then again I have heard of some people that actually eat... cow dunk... for health.... like... seriously... no joke.............. *brrrrrr....* gotta shake the image off.. I feel my chocolate cake and vanilla ice cream knocking on my tummy walls.. lol.. ugh.. I am putting on weight like mad and it's not even funny.. dont you dare laugh =_=... 

Well a lot has happened this year like I said.. oh.. i think the last time I blogged was like July,. so since then I celebrated my 22nd Birthday.. woohoo me.. :) and I passed my first semester.. celebrated Raya and plenty of birthdays.. and well I cant recall much except for what has happened lately and that is my prom night.. omg.. that was an experience of a lifetime.. Well I took part in the Ms Monash competition and well basically five girls are chosen out of the bunch that shamelessly audition just like yours truly.. and well we go through photoshoots and fittings and well just spend some time together and then on that night we finally perform for the audience at the ball and everyone gets to vote for their favourite... I would Loveee to say I won.. but I didn't.. lol.. anyways, congratulations to Tse Leng that won.. she's a gorgeous girl with a great personality and hell that woman can shake her body at belly dancing! haha.. that was her talent performance by the way... and mine was singing.. which I was sooooo bloody nervous that I went out of tune and though ppl kept telling me I didnt... I think I know enough music and have done enough singing in church to know that I definitelyyyy went off somewhere.. LOL.. oh well.. it's God's will.. probably coz i'll have too much pride if I win.. sooo much of prizeeessss... eeEEeeee... *squeels in jealousy*... I kid.. lol.. but honestly.. it was soooo much of fun.. meeting the 4 other girls and 5 other guys.. I mean.. I didn't think people that nice and friendly existed in uni.. lol.. It's too bad i'm leavin this semester.. would've love to have gotten to know them better.. :) 

Gonna miss you guys!! Hugs to Joanna, Nisha, Tse Leng, Allysha, Andy, Ilyas, Gian Yang, Joo Ztat and Justin my partner! lol.. awesome time.. awesome memories! :)

Tse Leng (Ms Monash), Nisha, Joo Ztat (Mr Monash), Andy, Ilyas, Justin, Me, Joanna, Allysha and Gian Yang

Now two weeks left to finish my never ending thesis and study for my final final final semester. Oh God help me.. well before I end I just wanna leave with this quote I heard from the show "Letters to Juliet".. lovely :)

'What' and ‘if’ two words as non-threatening as words come. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life: 

‘What if?'..."

"I don't know how your story ended.But I know that if what you felt then was love - true love - then it's never too late. If it was true then it why wouldn't it be true now? You need only the courage to follow your heart..."

"I don't know what a love like that feels like... a love to leave loved ones for, a love to cross oceans for... but I'd like to believe if ever felt it. I'd have the courage to seize it. I hope you had the courage to seize it, Claire. And if you didn't, I hope one day that you will."

- Letters to Juliet

I'm sorry our love wasn't true.. maybe it was to you but it wasn't to me.. and I apologize for allowing it to go this far.. The words I said in the past are kept in the past.. I wish you all the best.. and I know I have no right to just say this and I know It's not as easy as I put it to be.. But I hope you move on and find true love someday.. I wish you all the best for the future.. and once again i'm sorry. This concludes my explanations and my defending and all this related.. Thanks for trying.. Goodbye

The race